Between February 27, 2012 and April 2, 2012 there were:

• 7 incidents of graffiti or vandalism discovered.
• 3 suspicious persons escorted off campus.
• emergency services summoned 3 times.
• 2 parking lot collisions.
• 6 incidents of theft documented.
• 4 complaints of disturbing noise addressed.

NOTE: Humans are some of the strangest animals to observe. They often pantomime intelligence, but still more often they display profound stupidity. Nothing attests more to that collective behavioral pattern than the CalArts Security Report.

With that note, a selection of verbatim transcriptions from the most recent Summary of Incident Reports follow:

03/04/12
While on patrol CSO found that someone had stacked four picnic tables on top of each other in the Graduation Courtyard. At the time of the report it was not known if this was an art project.

03/09/12
CSO discovered a female sleeping in the Main Gallery. The female was informed of the No Sleeping policy.

03/15/12
CSO was dispatched to the patio area by the Main Entrance regarding someone smoking marijuana. As it turns out they were smoking tobacco.

03/18/12
CSO responded to a report that four students were swimming in the pool at 4:35 a.m. CSO removed the students from the pool.

03/24/12
CSO responded to a report of four unknown individuals shooting a pellet rifle and carrying a crossbow in Fire Valley. While CSO was en route, the individuals drove off in an unknown vehicle.

03/28/12
CSO responded to Chouinard Hall to take a report of a break-in. The victim stated that someone broke into the guest apartment during the early morning hours and took cash, food, and a whistle. No suspect information at this time.

Information compiled by Peter Nichols.