BabyTumorFace is the resident advice columnist for the Eye. Born into the rough life of not really having been born, but rather emerging from the solar plexus of his mother and never actually separating, BabyTumorFace has a unique and slightly embittered view on life. He has a penchant for smoking from tobacco pipes, drinking heavily, swearing like a sailor, and taking naps in the middle of angry rants. But underneath a rough demeanor and smooth infant-skin, BabyTumorFace has a heart of gold, wrapped in ground beef, wrapped in babyshit, wrapped in bitterness. You just gotta keep digging. It’s there somewhere.
*Disclaimer: We do not necessarily support the advice of BabyTumorFace. Following the advice of a not-fully-formed infant who’s swilling whiskey anytime he’s not pooping or napping is done at your own discretion and risk.